Monthly Archives: September 2012

Let’s do this

Ever since megadatedouche told me that I was to weird/not pretty enough for his tastes, I’ve been trying to focus on making me the best Meredith I can be. I started Whole 30, which I love, minus that whole No Booze thing. I’ve been working out daily, training for a half marathon I stupidly signed up for and hashtagging my workouts as #sweatytosexy.
I’m currently rereading Patti Stanger’s “Become Your Own Matchmaker” and decided to slowly take the steps. That means I’m currently on the Dating Detox. Patti says I only need to do it for 30 days, since I’m not coming off a breakup or anything, but I’m doing no boys, no sex, no whatever until the end of the year. So far all I can tell is that I am desperate for some sexy Skyping but I’m trying to focus all my ‘urges’ into workouts and projects.
And who knew that it could be fun to focus on becoming a sexy beast?


What Was The Point Again?

This past week I was trying to figure out what exactly I was aiming for with this blog. Who am I trying to reach? What point am I trying to get across?
I realized that one thing I want to do is prove that Iowa girls can wear fun, fashionable outfits. That a girl doesn’t need access to a Whole Foods and Gold’s Gym to look banging, that there’s good wine made outside of Napa. I need inspiration to actually get out of my house, and maybe even my town on occasion, and DO SOMETHING.
I currently don’t have internet access at my house. Whatever. I’m pretty sure that there are millions of young women my age who don’t have 24/7 access to the Web and they’re getting by. Why not try to write three to four reallyfuckinggood posts a week, instead of seven soso ones?
Eventually, I would love if I could make money from this. Or get an adventure funded. Or maybe just prove to people that I’m not as crazy as they’ve been led to believe.
So here we go, round two. Let’s do this bitches.
Love you, mean it.

Best Friends and Goodbyes



Around twelve years ago, my younger brother Isaac got his fantasy Christmas gift; a one year old Golden Retriever.  Our previous dog had had to be put down due to her trying to eat Isaac’s face off and a family in our homeschool group had come to realize that a giant, energetic ball of fur was too much for their small children to handle.  So our parents took in Biscuit, named after a series of childrens books, about a Golden Retriever puppy named Biscuit.

Biscuit was a fun and occasionally naughty dog.  He was obsessed with tennis balls and could play for hours.  He wasn’t big on being petted, but would run around with my brothers and I and would often accompany us on walks down to the river, where he would swim and swim and shake his drenched fur all over us.

When I went to college, I would ask how Biscuit was, playing with him when I would come home, hoping he and our adopted dog Bingo were doing fine.  When Bingo died, we tried to keep Biscuit even more company, teaching him how to correctly wander the house and let us know when he needed to go outside. 

When I moved home after finding out I was pregnant, Biscuit became my best friend.  There were days where he was the only creature I would speak out loud too.  I trained my ancient dog to sleep in my room, we would go on walks every day that got shorter and shorter as my belly grew and his legs got weaker.  During our intense times together, he finally allowed me to start petting him, a giant step of trust that I cherished.

When I received Scotti in 2011, Biscuit seemed so mad, but eventually learned to just ignore the puppy and go about his business.  I think he was happy about the new routine of giant treats and special presents. 

Since January, Biscuit’s sight disappeared, his eyes going completely blue, his mind slowly going.  A friend prepared a hole, just in case he died in the winter.  Biscuit needed help getting up and the walks shortened to just a trip around the block.  Every visit to the boarders had me writing out a note saying if necessary, to put him down and not inform me until I came home.

In August, after Isaac went back to school, it was decided that it was time.  Biscuit had been one of the best dogs ever, but he was in far too much pain to bear.  One Wednesday at lunchtime, he, my mom and I took one final walk to the vets office after a farewell bowl of Peanut Butter Panic ice cream.  The Doctor and her assistant allowed my mom to sob as they put my best friend into his final sleep.

Do I miss Biscuit?  Of course.  I’m not joking in the slightest when I say he was my best friend.  There truly was three weeks where I only left the house to walk him and didn’t speak out loud to humans.  He would lay beside me while I cried and was always happy to eat my leftovers.  He didn’t warn me when I was about to walk in on a kid who broke into our house, but demanded I comfort him when the cops arrived.

Now Biscuit sits in a pretty little tin, on a shelf by my father.  I’m pretty sure he’s being super demanding about a tennis ball in heaven.

Dear Mommy

Dear mom,
I know you love me. I mean, how could you not? I am an excellent basement dweller, always make dinner and occasionally do laundry. I seriously need Internet and Netflix though. Below I’ll give you (and the world) reasons why.

1. With Netflix I won’t always be fighting with the antenna or decide to watch 6 hours of crime shows because they’re whats playing on the one channel that isn’t fuzzy.
2. I’ll have a better idea of what my peers are talking about when they start discussing current TV programs and stars. This might lead to me actually making friends.
3. I’ll occasionally even choose to watch a documentary, thus making me smarter.
4. Without Internet, there’s really no need for Netflix.
5. Imagine all the new recipes I could find.
6. I could constantly be on the look out for big girl jobs!
7. And when not looking for and applying to big girl jobs, I could be doing fantastic projects, revamping our (your) home and maybe even open up a little shop.
8. I could blog about these projects, the recipes, what I’m watching and maybe the blog would become famous and I could make some money.
9. Or the fame could lead to a reality show/book deal. You know that we are way cooler than Kris and Kim. Epic showdown?
10. I could become the best Internet dater ever! Find a rich husband who wants to pay my bills and yours and then you’d finally have that empty nest.

So let’s do it. I did the math, don’t you love me?

Love you, mean it.

A trip to the ‘city’…

Clearly I need to work on my lighting and rock this new do with a white shirt.

Living in a small town means a trip to the ‘city’, aka Ames, IA, always requires planning. This visit the main highlight was my hair. All summer long I have been fantasizing about mermaid tips. All summer long I have been thwarted by my enemies. coughcough mom. But last week I was all like, screw it. Since I have a superparttime job and absolutely nothing I need to look serious for, I decided to go for it. Usually I’d go to my preferred little haircutter lady named Abby, except she’s not allowed to do fun colors. Whatever Abby. Instead I texted a former lifeguard who’s going to school to make people all glamorous and she of course jumped right along.

After four hours of sitting in a chair, next to a girl I wanted to beat, Taylor finished up, had her project that was enhancing my beauty okayed and I was on my way.

Then we did the normal necessary things one most do when in a city with wonderful things. Target, kombucha buying, and due to Whole30, NOT going to the self service fro-yo bar. Whatever.

Now I’m off to walk Scotti and daydream.

Love you, mean it.

Period Party vs. Whole30

Two days ago I got the greatest monthly surprise ever…my period. I know it shouldn’t come with a “Thank you Baby Jesus” scream in the bathroom, but I totally slipped up on my no boys/sex rule and well, long story short, I’m a total unsafe idiot slut.

Now, usually on my period I like to find the greatest way to mix salt, peanut butter and caramel and chocolate. Last month I made a Rolo and Reese’s cheesecake with a pretzel crust, the month before that a batch of peanut butter cookies with pretzel M&Ms mixed right on in. Totally delicious and totally not allowed on Whole30. So now I’m dealing with a wave of emotions that I usually greet with a snack and a nap. My Pinterest app isn’t working on my phone, so I can’t hunt down anything that might pass the Whole30 list of appropriate period noshes, I’m feeling extra bloated and my skin is breaking out. This is absolutely no fun. Maybe every time I crave a Reese’s ‘ll just do ten pushups. I bet that would change my mind real quick.

Only two more days though, right?


I’d tell you that I love you, but right now I just want to cuddle a (stuffed) bunny and then drop kick it.

And if you have any ideas for Whole30, ladytime snacks then please share. Two days now seems like an eternity.

Quote of the Week

You can’t expect to make no effort. You still have to make the effort and be kind and understanding. Zooey Deschanel.

I’ve been trying to find more ways to inspire myself lately. Sometimes I need a kick to get out of bed, put on pants or just drink some water.

All the ads for the newest season of New Girl are haunting my brain. I’m so excited for it to start (Sept. 25!) along with all my other favorite TV shows.

This weekends Whole 30 went swell and although I admit to having a few mindless bites, it’s all good. This week I’ll keep going strong and force myself to get in a good routine which will require workouts. Eish. Who knew it took so much work to get hot? Besides supermodels that is.

Love you, mean it.